6.20.2010

More things to think about and a road trip...


Even as much as I like to paint and make things nice and comfy in my home,
it's all very, very, very temporary on this earth.

I realize it's just a "hobby." I've said that before.

My "Responsibility" as a mom, however has been knocking on the door a little louder lately.

 My desires for temporary things have grown less and less....
or at least the importance I put on them.
For instance, as Anna Jaymes has been really
showing me what the terribly-sweet two's is all about, I've been realizing that
maaaaaaaybe I need to focus a little more
on learning about what she's going through and how I can respond to and teach her better.
{I'm sure there's a resounding "Duh" at this point}

I need...
More reading on Christian parenting and less on Country Living.....
more praying for my girls and less dreaming about what I'd like to get done during their nap time...
more seeking to understand and enjoy their stages and less getting frustrated
because their stages are interfering with my desires.


{Anna Jaymes jumping off of her very own little cliff}

It's just where my heart needs to be focused at this point in my life and it's where I
WANT it focused, but the stupid thing won't listen half the time.
My flesh and spirit are in such a battle.  It's hard to be selfless as a mother.

I mean really, the longer I'm a mom, the more respect I have and the more I'm in
awe of the moms who just gave themselves over to their children {in a healthy sense}.
I can't imagine the heavenly blessings they have
waiting for them.  It's what a true servant looks like.
That's what I want to be for my girls.
I want to always be there for them, to teach them, to love them, to always put their
needs before mine, to show them Jesus, to play with them.

But, I'm not quite there yet, and I'm sure I won't ever fully be there....
and not that I never put my girls first, but I know I can do better.
and I don't think this is just "mom guilt."  I think it's real conviction.
{Mom guilt is not good either....
it makes us neglect our needs and cares....
which we don't need to do...
we just need to put our kids first}

I'm not really talking about my needs not getting met here, just my desires....my hobbies....and even house chores that aren't as important as I think they.


It's so hard sometimes to focus on what I KNOW is most important to me.  How ironic that is.
That is so ridiculous!!!

It's funny how over the past year my hopes for doing projects and
spending time doing things I'd like to get done, have just about dwindled down to the reality and understanding that it's just about impossible right now with little children!
{There's another "Duh"}

It's like I had a pie chart with a hopeful 15% of time to "ME," and how overzealous that was!
Maaaybe a 5% pie piece is a little more accurate....maybe 3%?
This is more than I knew to expect, for sure.
I just think that I didn't realize how fast they would grow and that I wouldn't really have time to
do all this other stuff because if I did, I would miss it all with my little girls!

  I feel like I wasn't really prepared for this stage of Anna Jaymes' life and that I've just been REacting instead of being PROactive.  So, I obviously need to equip myself better and set aside the
things in my life that aren't as important....or at least not spend as much time on them right now.

The Holy Spirit has already been proving Himself real to me by the power He's given me to understand this little stinker princess a little more every day.  So, I know He can help me be more selfless and more focused on being proactive and prepared for what's in store.   He's the only way I can truly love
them and put them before myself....to truly minister to their little spirits.
This is such a crucial time in their lives.


{heading into Preacher's Cave with some cute chunky legs}
I used to assume that moms just have this natural love for their children
(and in some sense we do, I guess, especially affectionately or emotionally),
but now I've seen how much we have to choose to love them every day....that is with an "agape" love....an unconditional, selfless love.  It's an act of
setting yourself aside and choosing to put them first.  Maybe it's easier for some.

But, I'll just go ahead and say it's a little more on the tough side for me because
I'm obviously very selfish and would rather be painting than playing Mr. Potato Head.
But, Mr. Potato Head is not the point.  It's the little girl who's playing with me.
And it breaks my heart of how much opportunity I could miss.

Now, don't get me wrong....there will still be projects, and there will still be painting.  
Yet, I want to walk more by the Holy Spirit.....let Him guide me more in every choice I make....let
Him show me if I'm doing the best with my time.....let Him help me truly Love these girls.

~~

I actually wrote this post Saturday night, and then this morning we had a guest speaker visiting from Russia who talked on this exact issue.....a little God confirmation for my convictions, right?

He was speaking for Father's Day and about parents needing to love and minister to our families first, and how to think of them as more important than everything else we "need" to do.

And, with all that being said....

Sometimes, we moms still need to take a break and play, so that we can come back and do better work.


{old lady-hold her nose-jump}

You see, I'm totally spoiled.  Matt and I are so blessed to have moms who will watch their grandbabies when they are able.  We've had many good times away with one another and I don't know what we would do without them.


{much prettier jump}

But, now you see, I am REALLY spoiled.  He may not know what he has gotten himself into, but my sweet hubby has signed up to keep the girls by himself for one week....yes, ONE WEEK while I go
on a little getaway with my friend, Laura.  Go ahead, I know you may want to shoot me.
I know.....I am blessed.

I will not take this trip for granted.

While this will be a fun junkin' and flea marketin' road trip, I want it to be a time of prayer and rejuvenation as a mom.  I guess this seems a little backwards now that I've fessed up how much more
I want to focus on my girls, yet I'm leaving for one whole week so I can go roam around the states.
God is ironic sometimes how He works, I guess.

Laura is a new mom, as you may know and it would be awesome if we could go through a little book together or something during our trip.

By the way, we're not exactly sure where we're going {our first choice is just too far}, so if someone knows of a free {or almost free} place to stay around the South or South East, feel free to let us know!!  :)  We'll probably have a home base place to stay and then travel around some.

Of course, our trip will be documented, too!

~~~~~~~

Ok, this all sounds more like a diary or journal entry than a blog post.
I'm sure I've shared too much, but sometimes we just need to hear raw honesty.
If you're still reading, I'm impressed. :)

{I forgot to give credit....in the last few posts, I've used some Photoshop Actions by "Omar" that
I found online a while back.  I can't remember where online, I just did a search for free actions.
I've just been playing around with them, and I really like the vintage and cross-processing actions.  There's lots more to choose from, too!}


Photobucket

2 comments:

  1. amen and amen! i hear ya! thanks for sharing this - it is exactly what i've been convicted about lately! it's so good to know that i am not alone. have a great time on your trip - i am so jealous! keep us posted about the whole thing.
    love you,
    mandy

    ReplyDelete
  2. No, thank YOU! I'm glad to hear I'M not alone either! I start to wonder sometimes!!!
    love and miss you too!!
    Crystal

    ReplyDelete