1.11.2012

Thankful for seasons…

Looking back at when I started this blog, my desires were so different than they are now.  I was so motivated to do projects and share them on here....projects that I thought I would actually have time to do. Ha! 

I don't even know what my real goal was.  I know there were some little business ideas that maybe I eventually wanted to get to {some that are still floating around in my head and some that may make their little debut at some point, if the Lord desires}.  I guess I wanted to sell repurposed things.  I wanted to create.  I wanted to photograph.




I didn't realize how much time being a mom would take.  But, there are those seasons of life that require different things from us, and this season I've been in has required a LOT of time and attention to the little ones.  




Being a "mom" has grown to a much bigger job than I ever really understood or imagined.  It's now more like….mom: spiritual leader, emotional companion, encourager, nutritionist, cook, housekeeper, teacher, playmate and more I can't even think of right now.  I'm sure the list will grow as they get older.  

I never dreamed of how much preparation it would take to do it well….and I want to do it well, but I wasn't prepared.  I never dreamed of the passion and discipline that would have to grow inside me for the importance of being this mom.  I guess I thought it would just happen naturally…the mother's instinct.  But, it didn't for me…sadly.  It's taken a lot of eye opening from the Lord.  A lot of teaching on His part. A lot of convictions.  But, I still don't do it the way I want.  I fail….just like every other mom.  But, I'm growing thanks to His grace…..and His grace is sufficient and forgiving.





So much has changed in the past couple of years in this sweet little season.  Priorities.  Understanding.  Eternal perspective.  Desires.  Commitments.  Grace, and more grace getting me through it all.  There's different things I want to write about.  Some still the same, but some with a greater purpose. And, the more I figure out, the more I want to blog, even if it is only for my kids to read one day.  The more I want to share everything on my heart....as scary as that may sound.  There's so much in my heart and mind that I feel the need to throw it out there somewhere!  That requires a lot of honesty and a lot of transparency.  eeeeek!  

God is so BIG.  I think lately He has really been checking my perspectives and priorities.  The more I come to know Him, the more clearly I see who, just WHO He actually is.....I am in awe.  Have I really only been seeing You as this little God??  Lord, forgive me that I have not set my eyes on You. I have not seen You for Who You truly are.  I have not sought You in Your Word with my whole heart. I know I will not fully know until I see you face to face.  Oh the day that will be!!  I really can. not. imagine.  Am I ready?   On one hand, yes!  On the other hand, no! 

If my God really is this BIG GOD I want my faith to be a BIG FAITH.  My time here is too short to be wasted away on earthly desires, doubts and fears.  Why do I spend my time trusting in this world, when I have Him?  HIM??  Seriously?  Oh, we are just so blind.  

Since my mind always tends to gravitate to cookies and cakes {a habit I'm trying to break}, this is my "sweet" analogy that came to mind the other day....

Why do I spend my time eating a flat, dry cookie, seeking for it to fulfill the desires of my little sweet taste buds thinking that with each new bite perhaps it will satisfy my tastes, when I have a huge, fat, delicious, gooey, warm, moist chocolate chip cookie waiting for me right there on my counter!!??  YUM!

Now, that would be just plain dumb.

But, that's what I do, day in and day out spiritually.  I eat that stupid burnt cookie, forgetting about that oh so delicious cookie calling my name.  I seek the things in this world to make me happy, to trust in. I want to be so much more careful and intentional about every choice I make about how I spend my time. I want my faith in Him to be so big...big enough that I choose Him over me, His desires over mine.  Knowing that trusting Him and focusing on what is most 
important will pay off both now and in the end.

I THANK GOD for this season of life that has been incredibly busy with three precious, crazy little people....the season that I used to get so frustrated in when I couldn't find time to do the things I wanted to do...the season that I started out in so selfishly....and the season which I hope to end differently than when I began.  I am thankful that I have had hardly any time to myself so I can see JUST how precious my time is: my time with them and my time alone.  I can see how I have wasted SO much time in my life: again both with them and alone!  I can see that now when I do have time for myself, I want it to be spent worthwhile.  No matter what I'm doing whether it's parenting, writing, painting, resting, enjoying life, serving, whatever, I want it all to glorify God. I want it to have a lasting eternal purpose. There is no time to be wasted. I want to continually be renewed and transformed in Him. No, I won't do this perfectly from now on, but I will try…in HIS strength and grace.




I can't remember half of the things in my life I have done that have no lasting significance.  
So, what good are they now?

Anyway, this has really changed a lot of my decisions I make nowadays.  A lot less things get painted.  I'm learning to be content with things not painted.  :) Therefore my tastes are changing and I'm not caring as much anymore....although some projects are still worthy to be squeezed in!  My desires for writing are changing.  I want it to all be for the Lord, whatever it is I write about....somehow I pray it glorifies Him....even if it's painting a chair.

All that to say, I've been surprised how much He has put on my heart the desire to use this blog as an outlet for Him and to do it more and to do it consistently.  I think it's taken a while for Him to change some priorities and things in my heart so that He can truly use this the way HE wants.  He's given me a clearer picture of how to first meet the needs of my husband and family and to still keep this blog as a priority, which will be new for me.   I'm interested to see how He will lead, 
but so far I am seeing some changes for this new year….
as in some actual consistency!




{the other day, I read this post, and I am so glad I did!  She took pictures of her little girl sleeping in her arms.  So, when Adolyn was curled up in my lap and not wanting to leave, I remembered that post and knew that I wanted to take some pics.  I grabbed my phone, totally copied her and am proud of it. :) I use the free instagram app on my phone, but I think she uses hipstamatic if you are wondering.}
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2 comments:

  1. I always enjoy your posts! They are encouraging and usually give me a smile =) All of us mom's of little ones know exactly what you mean. I am always wishing that somehow I can make the most of each day. It can be so difficult with the endless tasks that come with so many Little People but I want to make these days count. Just told Rob the other day that we need to see you all! Maybe we can make it happen one day!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the encouragement, Victoria! We would love to see y'all too! Let us know if y'all want to come to a baseball game or something!

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