Project 52:1 {Part 2}

While it has started with a new decision to actually believe His words, this victory over sin and a new attempt at walking in the Spirit has been fueled by, and I think is the key to achieving it continually, His grace to help me "discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness." {1 Tim. 4:7}

You just gotta know me and know that "discipline" and "consistency" are just not typically two words I would EVER use to describe myself.  Does this scare me?  I'm tempted to say yes.  Yet, if I'm going to believe that His power is made perfect in my weakness {2 Cor. 12:9}, then NO, it does not scare me.   WOOH!!  I believed Truth again even as I wrote those words, and I Know His power is here.  here in me.  Oh, the freedom I feel in that is remarkable.  simply remarkable.

Ok, so back to how we keep it coming....I realized that to have a REAL CHANGE in my life, there was going to have to be drastic measures {again, drastic measures for me are discipline and consistency}, and there couldn't be any turning back.  It had occurred to me before that just like Daniel {Dan. 6:10} set aside to pray three times a day, maybe I should set some continual routine for myself.  I didn't really stick with it when I first thought of it several weeks ago.  Yet, this time when I remembered again, it was just like I knew it had to be done.  Putting all these verses together that God was showing me, I knew that if I was going to meditate on His Truth day and night, and if I was going to delight in it, and continually be renewed by it, and truly live a life of obedience abiding in Him, I was going to have to get into it a whole lot more than I was.  If I wanted to see drastic changes in my life as a wife and mom, something drastic must happen. So, every day, three times a day, I will retreat to a quiet time of prayer, bible reading or meditation.

I mean, Hello?!?!  We ARE at WAR. Yes, WAAAARRRRR.  How do we really expect to be in battle when we barely, and yes I mean barely even really step into our armor and hardly even pick up our weapon God has given us to fight with…His Word? {Eph 6:10-17}  This is plain stupid...again. I'm seeing now all these "plain stupid" things we do even while we think we are doing good...because yes, I was doing pretty good at some consistent quiet times and bible study, but even that is sometimes a joke in the GRAND scheme of a WAR.  It surely isn't "meditating on it day and night" or enough to constantly be renewing my mind.  It obviously wasn't doing enough.  It was more like a "check that box on my to-do list."  And, that's after I already consciously tried to live in His presence throughout the day and think on God and teach Him to my children. I was trying all of that.  I was believing that I was doing enough.  Yet, the fruit wasn't coming.

A little background....In His own perfect timing and way, God started paving this road in the past several weeks...actually way before then, but we'll start there.  He started preparing my heart...moving inside me.  Some of it was with a sermon at church when our pastor talked about getting to the "point of no return" as we surrender ourselves.  Soon after, I took three pregnancy tests to prove I wasn't pregnant since I had been so emotional that day. I knew something was wrong with me then.

"One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp also kicked me into gear by forcing me to see my ungrateful heart, my complaining, my lack of contentment....then realizing that something is really wrong in my heart.  I must have really fooled myself before because I didn't think it was that bad....until now that I see changes starting to take place and I see how many stinkin' times a day I'm thinking to be thankful instead of complaining or grumbling under my breath! So, I've started my own journal of 1,000 gifts.

{picked this little journal from wal-mart since it has "so true" 
and pieces of scripture on the front….
need as many reminders to think on truth as possible.}

That all prepared the way for the week of the Passion Conference 2012. Perfectly inline with what God had been speaking to me about.  Perfectly.  That is no coincidence.  It was at the beginning of that week that I had just said...Alright, cold turkey, we're starting now with retreating three times a day.  

 In these last couple of weeks, there has been more peace, joy, a realization that perhaps my husband is a bit more encouraged and pleased with me...and then one day, the confirmation that yes, that is true!  I can't even fully describe the differences.  It hasn't been an easy couple of weeks either.  sickness, sleepless nights, things going wrong. Regardless, the alarm goes off and I know I must get up.  He has been incredibly FAITHFUL.  His strength is overwhelming.  His power is made perfect in my weakness.

I can't believe it.  I can't believe what I've been missing out on.  
I didn't even realize I was missing this much. 

These times of retreat lead to a mind thinking on Truth all throughout the day.  Memorizing scripture {Psalm 119:9-11}.  Meditating on the questions I have from scripture and asking the Spirit to teach me. {John 14:26} More just leads to more and before you know it, you're meditating on it day and night! {Psalm 1:1-3} You're delighting in it. {Psalm 37:4} You're experiencing Him.

Ok, this is getting dangerous describing this "new me."  By NO MEANS, do I feel that "I have arrived" and figured out the way to be the perfect christian!  I hope it is clear that I am sharing about HIS power to help us "put off the old, and put on the new" {Col. 3:9-10} if we will just believe Him and that He is able and actually do what His Word tells us to do. I could make a long list of things we christians read over and sort of think we do, but don't actually even come close.  I'm excited as I'm praying for God to show me more of these areas in my life.  I'm excited to come out of that darkness and experience more obedience and life in Him.

It's ALL somehow done through His grace.  His grace that He freely gives us.  Yes, I have to be the one to believe and discipline myself and meditate on His Word and Hope in Him, but it is all done THROUGH Him. {Rom. 11:36} It's all so weird, but all I can say is that ALL glory is His.  I am the weakest of the weak.  I pray that He continues to increase my faith....because sure enough as the monthly hormones started to hit, I knew the battle was on.  :)  The enemy knows when to hit me, too and I'm sure he's going to come with bigger and better weapons now because he knows I just actually started getting dressed for war.  I just actually started picking up my weapon like I should have been doing all along.  He's probably always laughed at how easy this war was with me.  

And, now I laugh at Him.



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