Project 52:9

Last weekend was wonderful….great fellowship, great time alone in the car, time to think, pray and meditate, was challenged and encouraged by each girl there, saw how God has done great things among His people, was challenged to have BIG faith, left pondering many thoughts and questions in my heart to God and praying about many different things.

My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude that I got to be a part of that weekend!  I didn't do anything to deserve that.  It was surely a gift.  

On the long drive home, I prayed and prayed and prayed.  One thing I was praying for was a prepared heart and mind to get back into the daily routine of life with littles.  Glad I was praying because I can't imagine how this week would have been had I not been doing just that!  My sin and struggles have been ever before me and I have continually been confessing and crying out to God for help.  {I think there are definitely some hormones involved, but that is no excuse.  That just means more dependence needed on God for more strength.}

That's why I noticed the fig leaf and thought about sin coverings. I have been so aware of my sinful flesh.  I am so thankful Christ shed his blood and that it covers my sin, letting me approach the throne of grace and letting me have new life in Him.

letting me live this life with God.

I can't imagine my life apart from Him.  I have begun to see the days filled with Him, I have tasted the beauty.  And, I have seen the days apart from him when I choose my flesh and I have seen the ugliness.  I want to choose Him for the rest of my life.  
I wish it were that easy.

All that I've been experiencing and learning lately has been making me fight for clarity and discernment from God.  There are things I can't understand.  I don't have all the answers I want yet. Will I ever?!
My mind is so foggy right now.  I can't explain it.  I understand why God teaches us slowly sometimes.  My mind can't handle it!  

I get so excited when I learn new things and sometimes I can jump to major conclusions about what God is teaching me.  Mostly, though I just need to slow down and focus on Him.  I drive myself crazy wanting just the right words from God to answer the questions on my mind or just the right direction to something or when I am trying to figure out just the right thing I need to do or just the right words to pray before the throne of grace….
as if it's something I need to do.

I knew that's what I had been doing this week as I've been processing all I've been learning and going through in the past couple of months and all I heard over the last weekend.
And, somehow as I've been striving to figure things out, I've begun to focus on myself…in many different ways, obviously because that's the only explanation to why I have fallen to the flesh.

Pride comes before the fall.

Anyway, sometimes, I just need to cease striving….just need to be still.

"Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.
The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold."
Psalm 46:11

It's what God just spoke to me and reminded me to do.
I just started saying out loud everything that I knew Him to be as God.  It truly calmed my soul.

Creator, Father, Savior, Lover of my soul, Redeemer, Merciful,
Gracious, Forgiving, Unconditional Lover, Healer, and so on. 

HE covers my sin.

HE covers my flesh.

HE puts on the new and puts off the old in me.

HE gives new life.

I want my heart to focus on HIM.

HE is the strength within me.

HE is how I do it….whatever it may be I'm trying to do!

My retreating three times a day is a challenge.  It's not perfect, but it's becoming my new norm.  It's teaching me to look for each first opportunity to take some moments ~ or a lot…whatever is needed ~ to be filled with Him and His Truth, to be renewed.  It's helping me identify the things that are NOT renewing my mind.  

I am learning to not focus on me fulfilling the process and discipline I've committed to ~ because I don't really understand the discipline of my efforts versus His strength in enabling me to be filled with Himself through my discipline ~ but to focus on Him and to live by the Spirit, letting Him lead me.
{did you follow that?  I'm not sure I did.}

I know He calls us to discipline ourselves for godliness, to have faith in him, to trust Him, etc.  There's so many things that He tells us to do….yet it's all through Him.  This process is easier said than done to me.  My mind and heart tend to wander away from him and drift back to my own efforts or what I need to do in order to grow or live with Him.

My friends were so sweet to listen to me process out loud last week…just as my hubby always is….oh he is a patient man, for sure.  Thank you for being so kind, as well with the whirlwinds of my mind.  I can imagine your struggle to follow along.

:) :)


Anyone can join project 52!  Here are some others who are linking up:


1 comment:

  1. Such a pretty picture! Spring is definitely here. Thanks for linking up again this week!