4.28.2014

hugs and kisses...

So things have been going pretty well on the homefront lately with yet another adjustment to a new little baby….just a few short 13 1/2 months after the last one.  I'm glad I LOVE the baby stage now because it sure did make me anxious once upon a time.



{love those cheeks!!}


Not being pregnant definitely helps things a ton around here, too.  I am not one who graciously embraces pregnancy. at all.  I don't curse it {anymore} by any means, but I surely don't bask in its beauty! I know it's a beautiful thing in itself that God has gifted us with, but you can't lie and act like it doesn't come with some pretty tough side effects!! and some pretty hard ones made more appearances this last pregnancy. So, I'm glad it's over. Then again, joy in the trials, joy in the trials.

Sooooo, anyway, a long time ago, I prayed and asked God to help me be a wise old woman one day.  I wanted to live this life becoming wiser and wiser and I wanted to share it with others.  I haven't forgotten that prayer for some reason.  And I'm wondering if it's why He gave me 5 children, SOO close together. ……sigh….. To teach me and help me become wise. ~  just a little bit of sarcasm here ~ But, seriously, it stretches me, shows me my sin, makes me give of myself, makes me see my perfectionism and know I can't live with that perfectionism…especially when it comes to expecting little children to be perfect! and the list goes on…

It's just one of the most refining processes I can understand on this earth….like I never imagined.  Yet, it's such joy.  such a gift.  I'm learning to always see it that way.

 learning, always learning...

When I have one toddler balanced on my hip and one baby in my arm trying not to drop her, I could see where exasperation could be a given.  Yet, God is helping me SO incredibly much to NOT let that happen, but instead to see my arms being full as a sign of how full my HEART is.  I mean really….all of my joy the last few months, I can't explain.  God is just so stinkin' good.  It hasn't been easy, but it's been good.  He has provided so much physical help lately (because I've truly needed it), I just want to pinch myself sometimes to see if I'm dreaming.  He's provided so much emotional and spiritual help through His word and His Spirit, I am in awe of His faithfulness, even though we are but weee little people lost in our sin most of the time.

And, ooohh, how He is showing me I need to humble myself more and more and more before Him.  He's showing me that I CAN NOT DO ANYTHING ON MY OWN.  He is basically waving the flags in my face that I NEED Him.  I can't love my kiddos the way I want - the way He can - like His perfect love.  I can't eat healthy the way that is honoring to Him and my body the way I want.  I can't love, serve and help my husband the way I want without HIM helping me.  Yeah, I always think I know all of that already.  Yet, they're truths that are slowly becoming deeper realities that I'm clinging to harder and harder with heart, soul and mind.

THIS is why it's been good lately.  HE is good.  ALWAYS.  We seek Him first, HE provides.

His grace is sufficient.

His love never fails.  

He continues to give me new perspectives, fresh looks at reality each day. new mercies every morning.

Not too long ago, I was reading an article and felt myself starting to sink in shame and self pity.  The writer had mentioned stealing kisses and snuggles all day with her kids, amongst some other great moments.  Yet, I thought, well that's nice, I just felt angry at my kids all day and bossed them around like a sergeant! Do I ever steal kisses and snuggles anymore?! Do I have the good times this lady is talking about?! Oh God, what am I doing to my kids??!!? Heeeellllp!!!

Then, I stopped. Although all that stood out to me from that day were the tough parts, I had to stop and remember that Yes! I did steal lots of snuggles and kisses that day…even if they were amidst all the bossing around. 

So, I knew I had started to fall into a trap of comparing myself and/or just focusing on my failures or challenges.  It served as a good little reminder for two aspects….for me and for them.….While I can't let the memories/regrets of the hard stuff take over my joy in the good times and even the trials, I have to remember that they may struggle with that, too.  
With it being so hard to choose to remember the good things, we often, especially little children who are learning, overlook the good and remember the bad/hard/failures/mistakes….from ourselves and from others. I know it from experience. Thankfully, they seem to be so resilient when super young….but, I'm not so sure it stays that way!

SO, I want a LOT of GOOD in our days and lives to help outweigh the bad.  A lot of snuggles, kisses, confessions and forgiveness, praises, encouragement to outweigh the mistakes of raising our voice, hurting their feelings or whatever it may be.

And, I want to rest in His grace, knowing that I'm trying.  As long as I am trying according to His Word, I can trust Him to be faithful. His strength is perfected in my weakness. HE works in their hearts.

I'm not exactly sure why this was on my heart to write today.  Maybe because I want to truly remember to outweigh the bad with good.  I get so frustrated when my kids forget rules or instructions…frustrated because I don't see how they could forget or I don't' know if they really forgot...or how hard they really tried to remember in the first place!  Yet, I'm the same way!  It baffles me at how hard we can cling to a truth or new perspective one day, but forget it in a few weeks and find ourselves in the same mess….over and over.  Ridiculous.  Yet, true.  It happens all the time.  We are a forgetful people.  

So, go give your loved ones lots of hugs and kisses today….something they CAN'T forget. :)

xoxoxo

1 comment:

  1. Wonderful post!! Thank you for sharing. I don't know how you do it with 5. I know God has to help you!!I'm afraid my sanity would be gone. Very encouraging and touching. I love ya'll!!

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