Because I want them to know...

This post has been a week in the making....

I have been tired....a bit sleepless.

Some of my greatest life epiphanies have been while I've been sleepless and more in tune with my emotions or spirit.... SO, I'm just going to assume that's what this is.....and not just an emotional mess of confusion due to lack of sleep. {wink wink}

My spirit was downcast a lot this week.  burdened.  broken.

like the eyes of my heart were opened all of a sudden.

once again.

my heart is longing.  longing for Christ, truth, action.

scrolling through Instagram....
a picture of a family across the world being stripped from their home and forced into a refugee camp due to ISIS...
a photo of a beautiful, happy couple at their wedding here in the states....
a photo of some fun crafty things someone is selling....

wow.  all different places around the globe...all different places in life.
Seeing those things along with looking at the signs of the blood moons {not predicting the end of the world here, but just looking at true facts of biblical signs...check it out!}, and the predictions of serious economic devastation, and so much other talk....

it'll really take you back.  make you rethink a few things...

not to instill a heart of fear....but a heart of urgency....for the Lord.

So, speaking of sleeping....

why do we so often find ourselves asleep to what's going on in the rest of the world around us?
why is it so easy to close our eyes and pretend things aren't happening?

we just get used to the tangible....the things we can reach out and touch or at least see with our own eyes.

and why do we get so conformed to this world?! blinded? blinded by our own desires and concerns, ambitions?

and we may as well all stop lying to ourselves and saying we are not conformed.  maybe we need to re-examine.

Ya know, I'm not exactly the gentle and quiet kind....although that's what a lot of people take me for, especially at first impression.  Yet, the gentle and quiet spirit...the kind that's beautiful to Christ, I have to fight for.  I've had to learn to have a lot of grace....not be so harsh.  patience, not judgement.
Yet, now....while I know grace is needed.  So is truth.  

So is a wake up call....maybe a spiritual fog horn actually? maybe a fierce slap in the face? well maybe brutal killings and children being used for only God knows what, will finally work. talk about a serious wake up call.....again. 

or will we just ignore it....again?

I was told by a wise man I greatly admire that my struggle with patience can be used for a good thing....to be used for Christ.  let it be used for things that need to happen....and happen now.

and now, this is exactly it.

Except I'm not preaching at you.  I'm preaching at myself.  But, i'll share it with you!

So, when I first wrote that sentence, I thought that sort of sounded harsh and maybe I should lighten it up.  But, then...No.   So, let me say it again....I mean, really...it's not that harsh....

and we may as well all stop lying to ourselves and saying we are not conformed.....maybe we need to re-examine.

because I want to call it like it is.  as I see it.

What ways am I conformed to this world?
What conformities keep me chained into only seeing the things I want to see?
What conformities distract me from God's greater and eternal purpose in my life?
{Romans 12:1-2}

I thank God that He is patient with us.  He knows our struggles.  He knows it's hard.  He and we both know our sinful tendencies and we can be merciful and gracious with ourselves and others, but that does NOT mean we condone these struggles or take advantage of that grace, thus becoming lazy in our obedience.

So, thankfully, He also sends warnings....wake-up calls....reminders of His love....reminders of what He has called us to....reminders to not be blinded by the culture around us....reminders that this life is not our own....that we owe Him our all and He simply asks us to give it to Him and Live for Him and live for others.

I write this because I want them to know.

I want my children to know that I got tired of being conformed to this world.

I got tired of thinking I wasn't, because perhaps in the big picture, maybe I wasn't, but sometimes the most dangerous places to be conformed are in the small corners of our mind.
I got tired of not TRULY CARING.
I got tired of forgetting to pray for the suffering.....although I know I'll forget again....but that it's not okay to keep forgetting.  we must remember.
I want them to know that I'm sorry it took the talk of blood moons and christians {especially children} across the world being abducted, raped, tortured and brutally killed to get my attention.....once again.
didn't we just talk about this wake up call months ago?

This is not the legacy I want to leave.  And what if Christ comes back soon?  Or I'm taken?
This is not the way I want to leave at all.

I mean....where is my heart?!
where are my thoughts?
where is my focus?
where is my HOPE?!

All too often, my hope is in my comfort, my ease, my life, my joy in tangible things right in front of me.

Yet, as we see in our brothers and sisters in Christ around the world, that can all be stripped away all too quickly.

That will prove where our true hope lies.

What if they come here and I am face to face with them? What's the tangible then!?!

Will I stand?  Will I confess Christ?  Will I bravely face death in excitement to finally see Christ face to face??!  Hallelujah to the time I finally embrace Him.  Or will I fear? fear what could happen to me? or especially what could happen to my children?  now that may make me rethink my boldness. I pray it won't. I pray that I remember my hope in Him and the truth that even my children are in His hands.

But I don't want to focus on the future.  I want to focus on the here and now.

How am I living?
How am I loving?
How am I sacrificing?
How am I sharing Christ?
How am I being Christ to those around me?
How am I urging them to live for Christ? to find their true joy and hope in Him?

Am I urgent about it all or am I lazy?!

I mean, do you ever just step back from yourself and see how selfish you are? controlling? shallow? weak? anxious? fearful? lazy? worldly?

and for what??! temporary comfort and peace usually.

It's so easy to be like the pharisees and compare ourselves to others thinking at least we aren't that bad.  Yet, we look the wrong way.  outward instead of inward.

we need to look deep into our heart and motives.

Plus....looking at my life from the outside, it may seem I'm doing all the right things. Yet, Christ knows my heart.  He sees my instinctive thoughts.  He sees my struggles.  He knows how I am truly.  So much crap in there that keeps me from truly loving Him and others.

Good Ness, His patience, love and grace blows my mind.

I just want to stop dragging my cross and whining about it... I want to pick it up and carry it joyfully.

It's times like these that I'm woken up and I think ok, what do I do now?  And each time, He takes me through His Word and reminds me that whatever it is, it's HIS Spirit who does it within me.  Sure, I need to put myself in the place for Him to work in and through me, but it's only through His grace and by His power that I can truly love and live for Him.

I just want to live my life in a way that my children know....

that we didn't settle for a bondage to this culture,
that we didn't get blinded by our selfish desires,
that we didn't ignore the people right in front of us who needed love, but that we sold ourselves out for Christ....to love Him and love our neighbors.
that we didn't sit back and ignore the suffering or needy in the rest of the world either, but that we got down on our hands and knees and we placed our hope and trust in the ONE TRUE GOD and we prayed.

but did I do it perfectly? No, I failed often....but I kept picking my cross back up...living in His compassionate forgiveness.

and while He calls us to be faithful and obedient....
He still wants us to find our joy in Him through it all.
He wants us to be blessed in Him....happy....peaceful.

and I can't stop listening to and praying...

"Surrender" from Hillsong Worship

you can listen online here:



1 comment:

  1. Thank you for reminding us to pray for others who are truly suffering and that we are to stand firm in Him.... I, too, get bogged down in my day-to-day life and forget about the suffering going on a world away... God, please don't let me forget them.... Thank you again, sweetie. I love you and I love your heart for others....